you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
