Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Life is so much better after having sex.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
