I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
