"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
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