Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
love makes seman taste better
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
be right there i have to get my cape
Randomize
