Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
