I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
