yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
