does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
