So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
