i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
