just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
