Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
