Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
