No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
