You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
