walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
