i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
