I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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