im having a threesome with these popsicles
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
