His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
