I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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