We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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