Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
