The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
