She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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