I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
