Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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