I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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