no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
