Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
