I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
