the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
