He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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