what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
