we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
