Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
