why didn't you poke me back
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
