These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
