Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
