Are we in a gay sports bar?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
