that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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