And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
