Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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