We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
