Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
please don't ironically join a cult
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