he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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