im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
