i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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