His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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